tabbiewolf: (dragon - happy)

tabbiewolf: (dragony)
Went to the hospital yesterday for testing. Took the whole day off from work because figured I'd be a wreck about it, and I was; I spent the majority of the day curled up in bed trying to sleep or read my troubles away.

Spent something like 2-and-a-half hours in the hospital, walking back and forth between the mammogram machine and the room with the ultrasound. They tested me on both machines something like 3 times each.

Can you guess what they found?

Well, I can't, because nobody told me. It's actually possible that no one knows. There's definitely something there -- I saw the scan of the tiny tiny (supposedly smaller than the side of a dime) thing, but...they don't know what it is. I'm guessing it's probably not a cyst, because I'm pretty sure that would have been obvious on the ultrasound.

I have to go back in for a biopsy, which was not the news I wanted yesterday, and I broke down pretty hard after the tests yesterday.

Am I better now? I don't know. I'm going back into work, because I like my workplace (and my paycheck), but really I could take the rest of the week off and just chill and also be fine with it. Mental health week. But I know I'm going to have to take another day off for the biopsy (which is supposedly an outpatient procedure that will be pretty easy, outside of the whole "you might have cancer" part), so it's back to the grindstone.

I really wish I'd gotten a definite answer yesterday. The waiting to find out what it is is stressing me beyond anything healthy :(
tabbiewolf: (broken heart)
Official Diagnosis: somewhere between Bipolar Type II and cyclothymia, which is more or less Chronic Bipolar Lite: a mild version of bipolar disorder that lasts for years.

Official Treatment: Doctor has to do some more research on whether the treatment is worse than the corresponding highs & lows (my thoughts: could be mixed, considering some of the side effects of the drugs), but I'll be going back to see him in two weeks and we'll discuss my options.

But hooray, I'm diagnosed! And hooray, it wasn't me being a hypochondriac!

In the meantime, I have scheduled a long-overdue appointment at the eye doctor's for today, and I am hoping to try out contacts. The idea of sticking things in my eyes still freaks me out a bit, but I like the idea of a long-term contact lens that lets me see my husband naked in full detail without needing glasses (it is difficult to nuzzle with glasses -- keep in mind I love my glasses and I LIKE looking like a nerd because I am one, but there's a convenience factor I'm intrigued by). And lord knows I deal with shots fine, you'd figure jamming things into my eyes wouldn't be that big a deal.

Onward, to dilation!
tabbiewolf: (keep going)

Someone pointed this disorder out to me today. I've known I'm manic-depressive for years, even having it officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist (I think? Ideally I could get it written on like a certificate to prove to folks that my brain is genuinely fucked up), but this is the first time I've heard of "hypomania" and I'll be damned if it doesn't sound alarmingly familiar.

I'm going through a severe depressive period right now and it's got me feeling pretty blinking hopeless, if anyone's curious. I'm mostly annoyed because I know it's just my brain but I can't stop it. I need to find a psychiatrist whose visits don't cost an arm and a leg and maybe get some happy drugs.
tabbiewolf: (faye - glare)
So apparently my Vitamin D levels are 15. Which is better than last time I was tested, which had me at something like 9. You're supposed to be between 30 - 50, I think? So that could definitely be a source of the depression I've been dealing with.

I was thinking about it yesterday and trying to think if I felt better when I lived in Arizona -- a place of constant sunshine, where you get a tan without trying, hence a good source of Vitamin D. I think my mood swings were less pronounced, but then, I was also a teenager through a chunk of that time, so I dunno if I can judge that properly. Even now with my OTHER hormone level fluctuations, deity only knows what my body is doing.

So I'm going to be taking 50,000 IU pills -- the normal dosage is 1,000 IU, so this is Vitamin D TO THE EXTREME -- for 3 months and seeing if it improves things. From my own experience just taking multivitamins, etc., I suspect they will help a lot or possibly give me a decent placebo effect (though hopefully it won't be, because in 3 months I'm getting another blood draw to measure the results).

I hope they aren't like, horse pills, though.

Edit on Saturday evening: They are not, in fact, horse pills. They're the size of small jelly beans (Jelly Belly size), and they go down easy. They're also BRIGHT green. I assume the color is added. Took my first today, we'll see how immediate the change is. I'm pretty sensitive to this stuff so I hope it happens soon!

In other medical news, my A1C was apparently 6, so that's actually good news: it's where it's supposed to be.


tabbiewolf: (Default)

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