I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell

[tabbiewolf]

Official Diagnosis: somewhere between Bipolar Type II and cyclothymia, which is more or less Chronic Bipolar Lite: a mild version of bipolar disorder that lasts for years.

Official Treatment: Doctor has to do some more research on whether the treatment is worse than the corresponding highs & lows (my thoughts: could be mixed, considering some of the side effects of the drugs), but I'll be going back to see him in two weeks and we'll discuss my options.

But hooray, I'm diagnosed! And hooray, it wasn't me being a hypochondriac!

In the meantime, I have scheduled a long-overdue appointment at the eye doctor's for today, and I am hoping to try out contacts. The idea of sticking things in my eyes still freaks me out a bit, but I like the idea of a long-term contact lens that lets me see my husband naked in full detail without needing glasses (it is difficult to nuzzle with glasses -- keep in mind I love my glasses and I LIKE looking like a nerd because I am one, but there's a convenience factor I'm intrigued by). And lord knows I deal with shots fine, you'd figure jamming things into my eyes wouldn't be that big a deal.

Onward, to dilation!

Comments

[onidemondog.livejournal.com]

Congratulations. I hope treatment will be beneficial to you.

Contacts are awesome. I've been wearing them for a long time. I do also have glasses for when I'm just waking up/winding down. I just don't like the weight of them on my face, and I don't like how easy it is for the lenses to get dirty. One thing I definitely never miss about wearing glasses is how they get wet and obscure my vision in the rain. Anyway... they're worth a try. ;-)

[tabbiewolf.livejournal.com]

Putting things IN my eyes just freaks me out! I want to get over that, because the convenience of contacts would be great (random example: not having to take your glasses off when you're on a roller coaster). I've been wearing glasses for 14 or so years, though, and I think they make me look cute (and smart! The only part of me that's THAT vain is the "I wanted to wear glasses when I was a little kid" part), but I am up for trying new things, even if it involves jamming things into my eyes ;)

My eye doctor also told me about this thing called Corneal Refractive Therapy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orthokeratology) where you wear contacts at night and it...reorganizes the inside of your eye? Something so you take it out in the morning and you can see normally, without glasses or contacts. It sounds really cool!

[onidemondog.livejournal.com]

That -does- sound cool... I'll have to look into that, myself.

[dalesql.livejournal.com]

I've been watching my mom with her bipolar thing all my life. Working the various meds to adjust your level is a constant juggling act, and seemingly trivial things will flip her from one state to the other, or nothing external at all will do that. It's not a thing where you can just set it and forget it. Diet, exercise, sunlight, and activity level also enter into the mental stability equation. But having a good doctor whom you can communicate with easily is a very powerful tool in your toolbox. I wish you the best.

I am intrigued by that Corneal refractive therapy you mention. The idea of jamming things into my eyes is also kind of freaking me out. I got evaluated for contacts many years ago, and for some reason was unsuitable. But the technology has improved in the past 30 years. Been wearing glasses since I was seven years old, but they are sometimes inconvenient. But always having glasses on has saved my eyeballs from injury on a couple of occasions. But I think I will find an actual eye doctor to evaluate that for me.

[tabbiewolf.livejournal.com]

Ideally, I could just stay in the hypomanic stage all the time -- I get a LOT done during that phase, especially art! I'd say it's not worth the crash and the depression I fall into afterwards -- and it's really not -- but really, my ideal drug would cause me to NOT have the crash and just keep me peppy and productive forever. But I'm relatively sure everyone on earth wishes for that drug.

And yeah, I know exercise and sunshine and activity and stuff help, the issue is, when depressed, getting the motivation to actually DO those things. Lying in bed and pondering mistakes I made 20 years ago generally seems to be what I end up doing, or sleeping 20 hours a day. Hence the desire to be hypomanic all the time.

On CRT: I'm not sure how bad your vision is; my eye doctor said I was at a good place for CRT because my vision isn't THAT bad (I can see OK without my glasses, but distance is an issue -- I wouldn't want to drive without them). I don't know how effective it is for people whose vision makes the world a big blurry mess, but it's definitely worth consulting a doctor about!